STOP BEING A NEGATIVE NANCY HOW TO

In one study, for example, research participants were divided into two groups and shown disturbing medical procedure films while their stress responses were measured (e.g., heart rates, pupil dilation, sweat production). Several psychological studies show us that hiding or denying feelings leads to more stress on the body and/or increased difficulty avoiding the distressing thoughts and feelings (see here, here, and here). If you can fill in that blank with ANYTHING, whether it be a situation, a feeling, or an experience there is a high likelihood that there is some shame around that.

STOP BEING A NEGATIVE NANCY HOW TO

Here’s a clue on how to know it’s there, ask yourself, “If they knew _ about me, what would they think?” or “Something I wouldn’t want the world to know about me is _.” Often, we don’t even know that we are feeling shame. Shame is crippling to the human spirit and one of the most uncomfortable feelings we can feel. In other words, where there is hiding, secrets, and denial, shame is usually in the driver’s seat. Most of us don’t want to be seen as a drag or “bad,” so when the choice is between A) be brave and honest or B) pretend like everything is going great, we might be tempted to adopt the latter.Īuthor and researcher Brené Brown teaches in several of her books, presentations, and interviews that the energy source of shame is silence, secrecy, and judgment. To force a positive outlook on pain is to encourage a person to keep silent about their struggles. Why Toxic Positivity is Bad for Our Health Brushing off things that are bothering you with an “It is what it is”.Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity.Trying to give someone perspective (e.g., “it could be worse”) instead of validating their emotional experience.Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements.Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel.Trying to “just get on with it” by stuffing/dismissing an emotion(s).Signs of Toxic Positivityīelow are some common expressions and experiences of toxic positivity to help you recognize how it shows up in everyday life. By pretending that we are “positive vibes all day,” we deny the validity of a genuine human experience. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions. Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. If I don’t protect my space, nobody else will.>I will make no apologies for protecting what’s mine.>Rid yourself of the rude, mean, and snarky comments made by those who don’t matter.We define toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. It’s an unfortunate result of the virtual world that’s available at our fingertips.īeing in a position that I am, I’m often asked how I deal with negative comments. I know I’ve gotten more than my fair share of downright mean comments on social media! Welcome to 2020, where the invisible shield of a mobile device gives some people the courage to say some nasty things on social media.įriend, do you know what I’m talking about? Have you been a firsthand recipient of this sort of negativity?

Stop being a negative nancy